


To Being Shameless

by PixieDragon8130



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Dialogue Heavy, Drinking, Future Roommates, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan & Mark Lee Are Best Friends, M/M, Mark Lee (NCT)-centric, Mark pines for said best friend, Minor Huang Ren Jun/Lee Donghyuck | Haechan, Minor Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung/Nakamoto Yuta, Not Beta Read, Swearing, Unrequited Love, johnmark, musician Mark Lee
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-06
Updated: 2021-02-06
Packaged: 2021-03-11 23:00:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29250354
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PixieDragon8130/pseuds/PixieDragon8130
Summary: Mark dedicates a performance to his best friend as a prelude to confessing. Turns out his best friend has a boyfriend and Mark is left heartbroken. A bit buzzed, he kisses the stranger that comforted him thinking that Mark will never be seeing him again.
Relationships: Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung/Nakamoto Yuta, Mark Lee/Suh Youngho | Johnny
Comments: 11
Kudos: 62





	To Being Shameless

**Author's Note:**

> Based off the premise for Because This Is My First Life. I loved the drama and sometimes the male lead reminded me of Johnny so here we are. Hope you enjoy!

Mark was still running on the performance’s high when he decided to take a breather outside the bar. There were a few people lingering, some talking with each other and a tall man off to the side taking a phone call. He took comfort in the fact that he was for a moment surrounded by strangers. The night air was cool and the muffled music from the bar helped Mark get a hold of things. He wasn’t new to performing in this locale at all, but every performance still left him all jittery. His nerves were alight, intensified by the fact that this performance from tonight was actually meant for someone.

The only thoughts in his head were about whether his best friend had understood the meaning of his song or not. Mark took a deep breath and tried to steady his shaky hands. It wasn’t going to be the end of the world if his friend hadn’t, Mark planned on confessing soon enough anyway.

Mark knew overthinking wasn’t going to get him nowhere, but he could feel his heartbeat starting to race. As if it was a sign from the universe, his spiral was quickly cut off. “Hey!” someone started. “You’re the guy that was playing inside the bar earlier, right? Great performance, man.”

Surprised, Mark turned to the person that had called out to him. He was met by a bright smile and twinkling eyes. Mark, hoping that his cheeks weren’t noticeably red, faced the taller man and took in his features. He was tall, with brown hair and pretty brown eyes. A high nose and full lips. Mark realized it had been the man that was talking on the phone just a couple of minutes ago.

“Aaah” Mark answered eloquently “yeah… that’s me haha” _Oh fuck, I fucked up. Get yourself together, Mark, and accept the goddamn compliment_. “Thanks” he got out “and I’m glad you liked it”. Mark smiled at the stranger hoping he wouldn’t call out his clumsiness.

“You really bared your soul out there by the way. I swear no one could look away. I was wondering you had anyone in mind?” The man’s question was nothing but an innocent joke, and yet for a second Mark feared the stranger could read minds and all of a sudden he found himself choking on his own spit.

“Was I right then?” The stranger had pursed his lips, clearly holding back laughter but delighted by this new development. _Handsome, but nosy_ Mark thought. The stranger’s grin was more teasing than kind now, but Mark didn’t exactly feel looked down on. If anything, the stranger looked genuinely interested. Plus, Mark had been dying to explain the meaning of his song. _I’m never seeing him again anyway_ Mark reasons.

“Yeah, actually. It’s-it’s actually meant for my best friend” Mark paused and took a breath. “We’ve been through so much together. He even came to my gig tonight saying he had some important but good news to share. I’m taking advantage of the opportunity” Mark’s breathless laugh filled the following silence. He still couldn’t fathom that he was about to confess to Donghyuck.

“Hey, dude, that’s amazing. With a song like that, even I couldn’t say no to you” the stranger said. Mark is once again thankful that the man didn’t point out the shocked squeak he let out. “I’m sure he’ll love it” the man continued. If this beautiful stranger kept complimenting him, Mark was definitely going to combust.

“I’m definitely hoping for it” Mark laughed. “I really love him and am super thankful for everything. He’s caring and funny and makes sure everyone feels incl-” Mark paused, hearing Donghyuck’s voice all of a sudden. “Actually” and just as he expected, Mark turned to find Donghyuck near a car. “That’s him over there” Mark was quick to point out his best friend to the stranger. They both looked at Donghyuck and Mark continued “I’m really hoping it goes well, I don’t know what I’d d-” and that’s when Mark’s world shattered.

Turns out that Donghyuck had been approaching the car to greet someone getting out of it. Now that’s all good. And then Donghyuck held the other person’s hand and pulled this new person into a hug. And yeah, that hug looked incredible and Mark felt a bit jealous, but Donghyuck was affectionate. Mark was used to it. Except that Donghyuck suddenly pulled away, the biggest smile on his face, and kissed the stranger right on the lips. Mark felt his heart drop.

The man whistled behind him “Oh, buddy, now that’s rough.”

Mark couldn’t even say anything. He could feel a lump in the back of his throat, and he wasn’t sure if words could come out even if he tried. “Are you okay?” the stranger asks, but Mark can’t do anything but stare.

Donghyuck must’ve felt his staring because he suddenly turned and looked straight at Mark. Mark squeaked, suddenly wanting to hide, but Donghyuck’s smile was instant and he was suddenly dragging the stranger towards them. Mark panics and takes a step back instinctually, even bumping into the stranger, but there was really no escape.

“Mark! Markie!” Donghyuck called out. “I want to introduce you to someone!” he said enthusiastically, and _fuck_ Mark felt so guilty about feeling upset. Donghyuck stopped in front of him and who Mark assumes to be his new boyfriend stands behind him. “Who’s this?” Donghyuck asked, staring at the man Mark was talking with. “Oh”, Mark starts “He’s ju-.”

“We don’t know each other; I was just complimenting him on his performance tonight” the man said quickly. Donghyuck gave Mark a look and then put on his brightest smile. “As you should” he laughed, then turned to Mark. “You did amazing today, by the way, I wanted to ask who had you so whipped.” Mark grimaced at the jab but couldn’t come up with an excuse fast enough. Something Donghyuck definitely noticed.

“I see, I’ll be questioning you about that later” he teased. “But first”, Donghyuck makes a drum roll noise “I wanted to introduce you to my boyfriend! We’ve been dating for a couple of weeks, and I invited him over so you could meet.” Mark tried to school his features. “This is Renjun, and he’s the good news I wanted to share today!” Mark wanted to die. Donghyuck’s eyes were shining and Renjun seemed jittery and Mark knew he had to come up with something fast or Donghyuck would think something was up. Not wanting to make his best friend feel bad, Mark plastered on his best customer service smile and introduced himself.

“It’s great to meet you, Renjun. I’m sorry I haven’t heard a lot about you, but you seem like a great person” Mark said. It was basic, yeah, but it worked well enough. Renjun seemed to relax, and Donghyuck was happily looking at both of them.

“I’ve heard a lot about you, Mark, so it’s great to finally see you in person. I’m sorry I missed your performance though. Hyuck tells me you’re a great musician.” Renjun seemed genuine and kind and he was already calling his Hyuck “Hyuck” and a part of Mark knew he had already lost this one.

“It’s all good, man, I’ll let you both know when’s the next one” Mark did not want to see Renjun in his next gig. Not yet at least “I’m sure Donghyuck would love to bring you. He basically lives in this bar” he laughed a bit belatedly towards the end, but Renjun giggled anyway. Donghyuck whined, but it looked like Mark had left a good enough impression anyway.

“Mark, you’re so terrible to me” Donghyuck fake cried then turned to Renjun “please buy my drinks to soothe my aching heart.” And Donghyuck had pouty face number 4 and Mark wished for a second that it had been aimed at him.

Renjun snorted, then tugged Donghyuck into his side. “So dramatic, you’re lucky I adore you.” Renjun turned to Mark again “It was nice meeting you, Mark, honestly. We’re going to head in so come sit with us when you’re done, yeah?”

Mark hummed in response, voice just a tad too shaky for his liking and waved them off. He heard another whistle behind him and froze. He had definitely forgotten about the man behind him.

“That’s _really_ rough.”

“This is so embarrassing.”

“Should I leave?”

“I think that’d be more embarrassing.”

“You want to wallow in your pity inside?”

“Yes please.”

**\---**

Mark followed the man towards the bar instead of heading straight to the booth Hyuck and Renjun were in. They were lucky to find some seats and Mark didn’t even know what to say once he had sat down.

“Anything you’d like? On me.” The man said.

“Five tequila shots” Mark groaned.

“Right, vodka and orange juice for him and the coldest beer you have for me.” The man handed the bartender a 20 and then turned to Mark. “In good conscience, I can’t let you get shit faced while sad.” And now Mark wanted to cry both over Donghyuck and over how kind this stranger was. So maybe he did sniffle a bit, and his upper lip quivered, and maybe there was a stray tear. But the man next to him didn’t say anything and Mark didn’t acknowledge it either and therefore it remains blissfully unsaid.

Mark was grateful for the silence while he waited. It gave him time to organize his thoughts and retrieve his heart from his ass. When they finally got their drinks, Mark low key wished he could melt into the table.

“How long had you liked him for?” the man asked.

“About two years now” Mark answered. “It hurts more than I thought it would.”

“Yeah… it always does. Even more when you thought you had a chance” the man hummed and took a swig from his beer. “But it won’t be the last time. The last time you get rejected or the last time you fall in love.”

“I guess I just misread everything. I thought maybe he liked me back.” Mark wanted to down his drink but resorted to small sips instead. Maybe the stranger was right, he really shouldn’t get shit faced while sad. At least not here.

“Well, we don’t always get everything right. We’re all just trying our best and all that” the man said. “I think you were pretty brave today. Pouring your heart out with that song while on stage. And even when things didn’t work out, you stayed kind. You weren’t bitter and you didn’t take it out on that other kid. Even when I can imagine that all you wanted to do was get out of there.”

“I did want to do that” Mark confessed.

The stranger snorted “But you did well. It’s better to live with no regrets and that’s what you were aiming for tonight. You didn’t want any more what ifs.”

Mark stared at his cup and how his drink sloshed. “One more what if and I probably would’ve gone crazy.”

“Exactly. Sometimes you just have to be a little bit impulsive… a little bit shameless” the man waved a hand in front of him as if to push Mark to visualize it.

Mark took in the words. He sounded out impulsive and shameless in his head and realized that those words were pretty much the opposite of his personality. Yeah, he was going to confess to Donghyuck, but it had taken two years of pining and whining to his closest friends before he did anything about it. Impulsive wasn’t Mark and shameless was definitely not him either.

“You’re thinking too much” the stranger said, “I can feel it from here.” Mark couldn’t help but laugh “A lot to consider” is all Mark said.

“You should finish your drink. I’ll buy you another one” the man held up a finger “a tequila shot for the hell of it.”

Mark grinned at him “Only if you drink with me too.”

“Two tequila shots it is” and the man signaled the bartender. He used the change from his last 20 to pay and so they wait. Mark downed his first drink and savored the buzz while he waited. It really wasn’t that long and they had their shots in hand in no time.

The man raised his shot glass and clinked it with Mark’s.

“To no ‘what ifs’” the man said. Mark echoed it and they both downed their shots.

The alcohol burned down Mark’s throat and the cough he tried to hold back reminded him that he hadn’t done this in a while. He hadn’t noticed if the stranger also had trouble, but he had already put his glass down once Mark looked back at him.

“You going home?” the man asked.

“I think it’s for the best” Mark said. He was starting to feel a bit woozy already and remembered that he hadn’t even had dinner. Too nervous before the show to even stomach anything substantial. “I’ll text Donghyuck and just call an uber.”

The man hummed “I’ll wait with you then.”

Mark stared for a bit, the surprise probably obvious in his face. “Thanks, man, I’d really appreciate that.”

**\---**

Finally, being outside the bar made Mark realize that his thoughts weren’t as loud being as loud as before. The vodka and tequila had done their job in dulling his emotions leaving Mark in that buzzed limbo. Maybe he shouldn’t have mixed drinks, but at this point he just wanted a snack, a shower, and his bed. The stranger stood next to him, hands in his own pockets, while waiting with Mark for his uber.

“Thank you for the advice” Mark said “I don’t think I’ve ever been impulsive or shameless. To the extent that I had to sit and think if I’ve even done anything shameless in my life. I- I really needed to hear that.”

“No problem, man. And anyway, you can always start tonight. Day one of being impulsive and shameless and all that” the stranger teases.

 _Tonight_. Mark checked his phone and saw that his uber was just minutes away, maybe less. “Do you have a partner?” Mark asked suddenly. To be honest, ask him about it and he would say it’s the vodka talking.

“I don’t. My last boyfriend broke up with me a while back… Going to seduce me with a song, Mark?” The stranger grinned and Mark chanced a look at his phone again. Literally a minute away.

“No, just feeling a bit shameless.” Mark looked at the stranger. The very handsome and kind stranger that had bought him drinks and given him advice and kept him company throughout the night. The man’s expression was relaxed, but curious. Trying to guess where Mark was going with the conversation. But the bubble broke when Mark’s uber rolled in and the driver asked if it was him who requested a ride.

Mark had one foot in the car when he turned back to the stranger from the bar. This time, he would say it’s the tequila that pushed him to do this. Mark stepped closer to the man and, when he didn’t step back, raised himself just a bit and kissed the man square on the lips. It was short, more like a peck. But Mark had never been this rash before and his heart beat was once again racing. “Thank you for tonight” Mark said. He didn’t give himself the time to take in the stranger’s reaction, choosing to climb quickly into his uber instead. The car left the bar and Mark didn’t turn back. It’s not like he’d be seeing the stranger again.

**\---**

The stranger from the bar turned into an afterthought once university started tightening its grip on his social life. Being in his last year of his bachelors was definitely taking its toll. Mark's gigs became more sporadic - he hadn't even seen the stranger in any of them again - and his time at the university library became more consistent. He was looking forward to winter break, but he had to get over the hurdle of looming deadlines first. Performing became the last thing on Mark's mind. His guitar almost forgotten except for when the stress was too much to handle and the familiarity of some basic chords helped him relax.

Mark's final month of university consisted of study dates, coffee runs, and trying to not wallow in self-pity and alcohol. His crush on Donghyuck hadn’t gone away as fast as Mark had hoped for. Mark really tried but seeing his best friend -almost always followed by Renjun - everywhere they went made his heart ache. Mark was thankful that Donghyuck was generally oblivious. Yet sometimes the goblin in his brain would say that maybe Donghyuck _had_ noticed and preferred feigning ignorance to save Mark the humiliation.

He was anxious to get to his apartment and relax, maybe hang out with his roommate. Truthfully, Yuta was probably his second favorite person. They both helped each other out with Uni and found new ways to destress. They lived well together, quickly falling into the rhythm of their current dynamic. Sometimes Yuta’s boyfriend Doyoung would also come over and they’d all hang out and drink together, cherishing that rare free time from their own occupations. With all this under their roommate belt, it came as a total surprise to Mark when Yuta told him about wanting to move out.

"It’s because Doyoung asked me if I wanted to move in with him" Yuta told him the reason while they were both eating dinner. Mark almost choked on his takeout right then and there when he couldn’t hold back his gasp. To be fair, Mark's happiness for Yuta was what momentarily caused him to ignore the consequences of that statement.

"Dude, congratulations! You've been together for about a year now, right?"

"Yeah, a little bit over that" Yuta laughed "I'm really excited for this, Mark. I think we're ready." Yuta sounded serious, but oh so happy that Mark couldn’t help smiling too.

"I know you guys are.” Mark took another bite of his food before continuing. “You'll be just fine, trust me. You almost live at his place anyway, so I'm sure adapting won't be terrible. So, when do you plan to move in?" Mark still had a ton of questions about Yuta's new living situation and how'd they make it work.

"Considering our lease is about to end, I'm already making arrangements. I know this is super last minute, but it’s something I've wanted for a while now. I would never leave before our lease ends though."

"Our le-?" And that's when the inevitable came crashing down. "Oh fuck, I hadn't even thought about that." Mark gaped at his plate and then at Yuta. "Aww man" he pouted "now I'm going to have to find a new roommate" Mark whined.

"Ah." Yuta waved his finger in front of Mark. "I would never leave you flailing like this, Markie, which is why I asked one of my friends if he was still looking for apartments. He's actually a music producer and I figured you both could geek out together or something."

"I don't think a love for music is a secured friendship. What if he's a stuck-up Beatles fan or something" Mark joked.

"Nah, Johnny's not like that. And even if he was, knowing you, you’d put up with it for his part of the rent” Yuta stated.

"You're not wrong, but you shouldn't say it" Mark sighed. "Is Johnny his name? Can I see a picture of him?"

"Yeah of course, let me just..." Yuta reached for his phone, quickly going to unlock it, when he stopped mid tap. "Wait, I got a new phone and haven't backed it up yet. My old one is still at Doyoung's too." Yuta bit his lip. "Let me see if his messenger icon is a pic of himself." Yuta hummed as he clicked around his phone but put it back down in defeat. "Nope. And his Instagram is all about his photography, no pictures of himself either... Sorry about that, Mark." Yuta looked somewhat guilty, so Mark rushed to reassure him.

"Oh no problem dude, you're good. Maybe it'll be fun as a surprise" Mark laughed. "When is he coming to look at the apartment?"

"This Friday, around the time your last class ends. So, we have like three days to make it look presentable."

Mark snorted at that, giving their apartment a quick look. "It's not like we're super messy or anything" Mark said.

"True, but we need to secure Johnny. Make sure nothing makes him turn away the offer."

"Right" Mark said warily. "I'll make sure that it's almost spotless then."

"Thank you" Yuta smiled at him "and thank you for being happy for Doyoung and me" Yuta added, almost shyly.

"Of course, man. You're one of my best friends. But also, if Doyoung pulls some shit, I'll take him down."

Yuta laughed at that "Mark, I'm not sure you'd be able to do much.”

“I’ll make this Johnny guy do it” Mark added quickly, feeling warmth bubble as Yuta snorted at his joke. 

“And also" Yuta closed his take-out container "I'd beat his ass myself, but I appreciate the emotional support." Yuta stretched out then started picking up the trash around him. He stood up to throw it away. "We'll talk more about it tomorrow, but for now I'm turning in. Night, Mark."

Mark smiled at him "Goodnight, Yuta, and congratulations again!"

"Thanks!" And with a small wave, Yuta retreated to his room.

Mark ended staying up a bit longer, wondering what his new roommate would be like. Yuta said he was a music producer that was into photography. Mark hoped he didn't look too much like a floundering and struggling uni student next to Johnny. Hopefully, their dynamic won't be so terrible... hopefully. Mark did not enjoy the fitful sleep he had that night.

\---

The next couple of days were spent cleaning and organizing between homework and essays. But, just as Yuta wanted, the apartment was spotless. Mark left for his classes from a pristine apartment imbued with a faint scent of pine from one of the candles. It was during his last class that Yuta had texted Mark, letting him know that Johnny had arrived at the apartment and would be staying a couple of hours so he could meet Mark and get to know each other. The knowledge left Mark buzzing in his skin while he waited for his class to end.

He was nervous and wanted to leave a good impression for Johnny. So, he bought his favorite bottle of cheap wine and got on his way. If Yuta really felt like they had to “secure” Johnny, then maybe Johnny wasn’t really set on living with Mark in his crummy apartment. But, if he was truly an asshole, then Yuta probably wouldn’t hang out with Johnny in the first place and even less would he have recommended Johnny as a roommate. And yet… the closer Mark got to his apartment, the more frazzled he felt. He almost missed his stop with how distracted he was feeling.

When Mark got to his front door, he made sure to calm his breathing. “Appear relaxed” he said to himself. “You’re happy to see him, but not desperate” he continued. “You’re not vying for the approval of a stranger at all” _lies_. But he had already swung the door open meaning he had no other choice. He could hear voices from the entrance and braced himself while taking off his shoes.

“Yuta, I’m home!” he announced.

“Mark! Great!” Mark walked towards the dining room where his possible new roommate was sitting back to Mark. “This is Johnny” Yuta introduced.

“Nice to meet you, Johnny” Mark walked towards the table “I’m Mar-” but he never finished that sentence. “You!” was what Mark ended up yelling instead.

The man that was sitting in his dining room table was /that/ man. The stranger from the bar. The one Mark had drunkenly kissed after pouring out his feelings over a drink and a shot. Yuta stared between Johnny and Mark. The former was about to respond when Yuta interrupted.

“You knew each other and kept it from me?!” Yuta sounded incredulous and Mark was quick to deny it. “No, I-”

“We actually met at one of Mark’s gigs once” Johnny grinned, obviously remembering the kiss “didn’t even think that your Mark and musician Mark would be the same person” Johnny finished. Mark felt his ears get red and then braced himself for Yuta’s response.

Turning to Yuta, Mark saw how his eyebrows were scrunched together as he tried to connect the dots. Mark knew it was coming, but Yuta’s face of realization filled Mark’s heart with dread. Yuta’s practically the only one that knew about the stranger he kissed. The stranger that just so happened to be Johnny.

“The random man you kissed was Johnny?!”

“It was more like a peck to be honest” Johnny said from the side. Though Mark still heard it and he honestly wished his apartment floor would swallow him. It’d be swifter than the humiliating death he was experiencing now.

“I-I didn’t know, okay!? I was drunk! And sad! And wallowing!” Mark definitely felt frantic now “and I thought I was never going to see him again!” he argued.

Yuta whistled at Mark’s ramble then grinned. The sharp grin he pulls when he knows he’ll be able to tease Mark for days to come. “Small world, huh, Johnny?”

“Truly” Johnny answered.

“Oh my god” Mark whined.

Mark turned to face Johnny “Listen, I totally understand if you don’t want to room with me after that. I probably seem like a weirdo and all that stuff about being shameless was still fresh and I ju-”

“Mark, you can relax” Johnny said. He patted Mark’s arm and pulled him to sit down. “It’s honestly fine. It was cute, you’re cute too, and I didn’t hate it. Plus, you gave me time to push you away. And I didn’t considering I kinda wanted to kiss you too” Johnny explained.

Mark’s face was definitely red now and he wasn’t sure he could trust his voice, so he just nodded. “Right” he said anyway “okay, uh, I brought wine. To chill with.”

Yuta, who had been spectating during most of this, turned to Mark to tug at his ear. “Not gonna lie, Markie, thought you lied about this nameless stranger of yours considering you were so vague about it. Interesting how that worked out” Yuta teased again.

Mark bit his lip, the warmth in his face hadn’t left. “I-I’m going to leave my stuff in my room and compose myself” Mark stood up. “It was very nice properly meeting you” he said to Johnny. Yuta snorted and muttered something under his breath, but Mark was already too far to hear it.

It didn’t take him long; he also didn’t have very long. When Mark emerged from his room, he stopped at the kitchen to bring a corkscrew to the table and some of the wine glasses they somehow hadn’t shattered. He brought them back to the table where Yuta and Johnny were talking, laughing at something Mark had missed. When Yuta saw Mark coming, he cheered once he saw the glasses.

With the wine poured, Yuta decided to call for a quick toast. He had that grin again and Mark feared for his dignity. “To new friendships” Yuta started. _Okay, this is fine_ Mark thought. “To nameless strangers” _aw fuck_ “and to being shameless.” Yuta finished off. Johnny laughed and they all clinked glasses. Mark downed about half his glass before he turned to Johnny and Yuta again.

“Careful, Markie, don’t want you getting all shameless on us again” Yuta poked at Mark’s side.

“Suddenly” Mark started “I am definitely glad you’re moving out.” 

**Author's Note:**

> Welp!! That was that!!! It's basically my second NCT fic and oof, but I had fun!! Come find me on twt @pixiedragon8130
> 
> Thank you for reading!


End file.
